Thursday 16 February 2012

Secrets revealed - Chapter 2

It took some time to put together the "secrets" of Kettlebell Sport...people don't want to divulge secrets. Rather like trying to take a lolly from a child in some cases. But here are some secrets that have been noted.

1. If you can chalk your bell, your "in"
2. To an MSWC "in" means something else (a Russian sub-secret, yet to be understood)
3. 4 minutes on a digital clock can be assumed to be the same as 5 minutes on an analogue clock
4. Russians don't like you putting a foot near a Kettlebell. They will find you...and they will kill you.
5. The greater the contortions in the face, the nearer to letting a bell down...and needing trigger point work.
6. MS means Master of Sport in Russia...but it means "famous Irish athlete" in Ireland
7. To practice getting up on your toes in the Jerk just stand in front of a weightlifter...that'll keep you on them...and very conscious.
8. MSWC allows you to be so late for a session that it isn't even described as early for the next session
9. Guinness goes through Russians like castor oil through a cat
10. Russians go through Guinness in a similar manner
11. Don't...start...early!!
12. A Galway mans leg isn't as big as a Russian mans leg...not even in lycra
13. The threat of a coach wearing lycra helps to boost numbers attending a session
14. The fact that the coach doesn't wear lycra, just helps!
15. Music during a training session helps focus the attention.
16. The theme tune to "The Apprentice", doesn't.
17. A little known secret to boost strength is to try doing "Snow Angels" on the dance floor at a party
18. A well known secret is that one can fall coming from a party - be careful.
19. Don't try to break the balance of male -v- female on either side of the gym. Coach doesn't like distractions during a session.
20. Calling a male by a female name isn't classed as a distraction and is acceptable
21. Wearing new, white, clean, shiny, attention-drawing shoes will draw attention...regularly. Get them dirty.
22. Google doesn't know how to translate text speech - it's a great method of passing information between fellow kettlebellers, doe. {>.<}
23. The benefits of the move called the "Ice Cream Man S**t" must be kept a secret...even to those doing it.

To be continued...

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