Secrets revealed, Chapter 1!

All sports have their secrets and tips...whether it be training or performance. Kettlebell sport is similar. Here's a few I've picked up along the last 3 months...you can decide on what's for you, or not! ;-)

1. Never use Fairy Liquid before a snatch session...it softens the hand
2. Wet your tee-shirt before a jerk competition to help grip...unless you're female which makes it a different type of competition
3. Warm-ups are for wimps
4. Stretching is for bendy wimps
5. Opening the gym door can be considered a substitute for the warm-up
6. Don't chalk your kettlebell in the chalk bucket...it snows on your first fixation
7. Don't chalk your kettlebell in the chalk bucket...coaches don't like chalk on the shopfloor
8. Limp and whine and complain...the coach will chalk the bell for you
9. Listen to your coach carefully...sometimes it can half your workload on a session
10. You can find your balance in the 2 handed jerk if you practice with 2 glasses of Jameson
11. If you're consistently late...get the t-shirt to divert the attention that you were, well, late!
12. You can tell the 10 time world champion to "Shaa-up" when he offers advice (female only, yet to be proven effective for the slow moving male).
13. Placing a 28Kg kettlebell on the floor in front of you immediately sees all other practitioners demoralised (usage of the same said 28Kg kettlebell is optional)
14. Coaches don't like the placement of a 28Kg kettlebell on the floor - proceed with caution
15. If the coach spots the placement of the 28Kg kettlebell on the floor you'd better be prepared to put it back or use it
16. Rain and sweat are not the same thing
17. Sweat bands are only useful if you sweat
18. Running is only good if you're a thief or a victim
19. If  your knees sound like Rubik Cubes after running it's probably time to re-assess that element of your fitness regime
20. If your coach invites you upstairs...it's probably going to hurt
21. If your coach likes ice cream swirls doesn't mean it's the coaches advice
22. Don't call a coach an assistant coach
23. Wear loose shorts - a burst shorts within the first 5 minutes of a 1 hour session is difficult to hide (personal experience...a secret revealed!)
24. Suggesting certification and ranking certificates were bought on Ebay really pisses off an assistant coach.
25. Fish is an excellent addition to your diet...assuming it isn't accompanied by chips.
26. Hitting your head on the way down from a jerk fixation may cause an international incident...or disqualify you from competition...or even hurt. It isn't recommended.
27. Telling a guy who competed with 2 x 32Kg kettlebells that it looked easy may result in him walking away. Again, not recommended.
28. It is not a good idea to be kept awake by 2 ladies for 39 hours before a ranking session...seriously?
29. Practice your clean against a wall - if you scrape your knuckles you're cleaning the wrong way
30. The word "Start" spoken in a Russian accent means "Start"

To be continued...