Joining the "Dark Side"

I phoned Mick of Total Fitness Systems..."Come on up on Monday but I'll be in Russia" says he. "John'll look after ya". Grand. I walked in early to get a good seat...spoke to John and explained my level of expertise that I'd picked via Youtube and my 5 reps of this and 5 reps of that.

"Show me a Jerk" he says. I did a press. "No...do it like this" as John showed me a double dip that looked like something you'd see a well oiled alcoholic do at 3 in the morning outside a night club still hearing the music in his own little world. I can't dance so this wasn't pretty.

The members flowed in. I stood and waited. John then informs me that I wasn't the only first-timer that evening...me, and 8 ladies dressed almost entirely in black. "Come over this side"...John ushered me to the Dark Side. The term "Blessed art those among women" didn't seem that funny when you can't stop your routine before any of them...ever. It's a man thing.

So we threw around a few bells...handy. "Aerobic session" says John. Oh poop. I wasn't fit...still not that fit. So star jumps, press-ups (I'm on the full ones, the ladies are on the half ones). Several minutes later everything looks like a different colour...I'm sweating like a heavy rain shower...but I can't stop before the congregation. I look up and the established members are lifting 2 kettlebells each. I feel another contraction coming on.

That nights sleep was fun. My heart rate was so high that I didn't sleep much. The following morning my black off-the-shoulder number was viewed with contempt. I've got to get a pair of bigger ones...yellow or grey...not the red or green though...no, not them.